(Let us imagine that you are the incredibly lucky recipient of one free afternoon with The God of All Texas. What's your itinerary?)
Dear Open Bar and faithful TGFEB readers,
I sincerely apologize for my two week absence. I know it's as hard to believe as my law degree, but the reason for my absence is due to The God of All Texas himself. That's right. Thankfully, I took my moleskine along with me to (drunkenly) jot down the week's itinerary as it progressed.
Monday, May 11
12:01 AM: I, Free Pizza, sit down to write an inspired TGFEB post.
12:02 AM: G.O.A.T. knocks on my front door with the front of his Harley. Uses colorful language to encourage me out of my home.
12:03 AM to 4:35 AM: Stop at WinCo, buy American flag bandanas, dishwashing detergent, and Hawaiian shirts.
5:13 AM: While embarking on our road trip, G.O.A.T. asks me to hide two kilograms of cocaine in separate bags inside my brassiere, in order to "Make those funbags a little more fun, am I right?"
Monday morning - Sunday afternoon: Mexico.
Sunday, May 17
7:00 PM: G.O.A.T. and I return to the States to watch Jon & Kate Plus 8.
8:00 PM Sunday - 12:42 Monday, May 19: Unconscious.
And that brings us to the present. Of course, I owe our readers another sincere apology, but I insist that my week with The God of All Texas left me with no regrets.
Tequila and Russian Roulette,
Free Pizza
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